Leap of Faith
by a-little-short-of-a-fairytale
Summary: Dan receives a phone call that Phil is in danger, balanced on the wrong side of the fence on the London Bridge. Can he make Phil believe how much he loves him before it's too late? AU - MAJOR SUICIDE TRIGGER WARNING. This is in no way real or accurate of real events. It is merely based on a prompt I read. One shot.


**This is a trigger warning for suicide. I am writing this as sort of an outlet and it may contain graphic scenes.**

The house was silent until the phone rang. All that could be heard was the steady tapping of the keys on Dan's laptop. He had been drafting a letter to the BBC, but with every line he wrote, he became more frustrated with his inability to explain what he meant. Shutting the lid of his computer, he reached over for his mobile phone that was balanced precariously on the edge of the coffee table, shuffling closer to the edge with each vibration.  
"Hello?"  
" _Hello. Is this Mr Howell?"  
_ "Yes?" Dan replied cautiously. "Who is this?" It was unusual for him to receive calls on his mobile phone; most people sent him text messages.  
" _There's been…a situation,"_ the caller continued. _"Regarding Phillip Lester."  
_ "Who's calling?" Dan repeated, suddenly wary about the tone of the caller.  
 _"I'm PC Hayes from the London Police Department,"_ replied the caller. _"We need you to come down to the London Bridge."  
_ "I'm quite busy-,"  
 _"Mr Howell, this is a serious situation, and I would rather it was not discussed over the phone. Someone will meet you at the bridge, and they will show you their badge for identification. Do not follow them if they do not do this. And for goodness sake Mr Howell, wear something that conceals your face…the last thing we need is an audience."  
_ "Is Phil okay?" Dan asked, suddenly realising the weight of the situation.  
 _"Currently, yes. But you really do need to get down here. Would you rather someone came to pick you up from your home?"  
_ "With all due respect, I cannot be sure you aren't someone trying to find my address," Dan reasoned.  
 _"Mr Howell, we already have your address. It was on Mr Lester's mobile phone. There is an incident and you are listed as his emergency contact. Someone is on their way to get you now. They will show you their badge, and it will be a police car that arrives,"_ PC Hayes replied. _"I understand this must be very difficult for you, but we need you here. I'm going to stay on the phone with you until they arrive, okay?"  
_ "Please, is Phil okay?" Dan whispered.  
 _"Yes, at the moment, though I cannot give out any more information right now, but I will fill you in on everything when you arrive."  
_ "What's going on?!" Dan asked, becoming irritated with the vagueness of police officer's explanation.  
 _"I cannot tell you at this moment in time. Your safety is crucial, and I don't know how you will react. I think it is best someone is with you."  
_ Just as Dan began to pace the lounge, a car pulled up outside his flat, and he clicked the intercom in the hallway to allow them access to the building. Pulling on his shoes and coat, Dan grabbed a scarf and wrapped it around his neck and some of his face in an effort to conceal his identity. Lifting his hood up, he began to make his way downstairs to meet the officer.  
"PC James," he said, extending a hand that was holding a small police badge with a photograph and name. "Are you ready to go?"  
Dan nodded and climbed into the car.  
"Can you explain what is going on here?" Dan asked, his heart pounding.  
"Phil is…he's standing on London Bridge…the last update I received, the negotiator was trying to talk him down. You're listed as his 'in case of emergency' contact on his phone," the police officer said.  
"Why are you trying to talk him down?" Dan whispered, already knowing the answer. "He's not…he's not going to jump is he?"  
PC James sighed, pulling up onto the road beside the bridge. "I hope not."

When they arrived at the bridge, Dan rushed out of the car and ran towards the crowd of police officers, fighting back tears. Completely in shock, Dan sprinted towards the bridge, his eyes searching for his boyfriend who was balanced on the wrong side of the fence, his head bent down and his arms gripping to the side. One wrong move and he would fall.  
"Phil…" breathed Dan, stopping just short of the edge. Glancing across his shoulder, Phil spotted Dan and sobbed even harder, his mouth forming the words 'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry…"  
Dan looked over to a policewoman, who nodded her head as though she understood everything he was thinking. "Approach him slowly. Try and keep his trust. He's very vulnerable right now, and we wouldn't usually allow this…but he's been asking for you."  
Dan nodded, trying to push down the fear he was experiencing and focus only on getting Phil back on the other side of the fence. He walked over, each footstep shakier than the last.  
"Phil…" Dan murmured. "Can I…can I come closer?"  
Phil looked back and Dan, then at the water lapping below. Slowly, he nodded. Dan inched closer slowly, not wanting to shock his boyfriend. "Phil…please come back over…" Not knowing what to say was killing Dan. Losing Phil would be like losing a part of himself. He knew that a single sentence, a single word interpreted wrong, could cause Phil to let go of the barrier and fall. The negotiator took a step back and gently reassured Phil that he could shout if he wanted him to come back over, and that Dan was here to listen…to help.  
"Phil…please. I'm going to help you get through this, Phil. Please come back over, I'll help you. It's going to be okay, but you have to come back over." Dan stretched out his hand and continued to step forwards.  
"Stop!" shouted Phil. "Just stop!"  
"Okay, I've stopped, see?" Dan answered, his heart racing. "I've stopped." He held up his hands and took a couple of steps backwards, sighing. "I've stopped."  
"It's not going to be okay," Phil whispered, shaking his head. "It's not and I don't know what to do."  
"We can figure this out," Dan said. "Listen to me Phil, please."  
Phil turned around, and slowly sat down on the ledge, his feet hanging over the edge. Dan's heart was in his mouth. Mirroring Phil, he sat down. Looking back at the police for reassurance, he saw that they were closely watching him for any sign of progress, constantly talking through their radios, trying to figure out a plan should things go wrong.  
"What's happened Phil?" Dan whispered. "Tell me, I can help you, and I know you think that I can't and that's okay, but let me try. Please."  
"I love you, Dan," breathed Phil.  
"I know. And I love you too…more than you will ever understand…more than you will ever know…and losing you would be like losing a part of me too. I can't imagine a life without you, and Phil…I don't want to." Dan looked up at the sky. It was going to rain, and he needed Phil back over onto the pathway safely before the conditions became even more dangerous. With this in mind, he held back the complete terror that was seeping through his mind, and continued. "Phil…please. I'm not going to tell you not to do this, but please climb back over and we can talk about it. I am shit scared that you're going to fall, and I want to help you no matter what. I care, Phil."  
"I can't live like this! I don't want to keep my sexuality a secret! I don't want to hide that I love you!" Phil shouted.  
"Is that what this is about?" Dan asked softly.  
Phil nodded his head. "Sort of."  
"Phil…we can tell everyone. If that's what you want, I am behind you every step of the way."  
Phil looked and Dan and stared into his brown eyes. Dan could see that he was scared…terrified even. He knew that deep down, this wasn't what Phil wanted. All he wanted was the pain to end, and Dan knew there was another way. All he had to do was convince Phil the same thing.  
"Let me help you," Dan murmured softly. "We can fix this. I'll take you home and I'll help you into your pyjamas. I'll wrap you up in the soft throw blanket and make you a hot chocolate to warm you up. We can put Buffy on the TV and you can snuggle into me. I'll wrap my arms around you and keep you safe…and Phil…we can talk this through. We can wait until tomorrow, or we can do it tonight. But I want you to come home with me and let me take care of you."  
"I love you."  
"I know. I love you too. You mean everything and more to me." Dan slowly and carefully stood up. "Can I come closer? Can I help you back over?"  
Phil glanced down for a moment, before looking back at his boyfriend, tears streaming down his face. "Yes."  
Dan moved closer, his eyes never leaving Phil's. Slowly, he extended his hand. Gently, he placed his hand around Phil's arm, and firmly lifted him back over the other side of the fence. Behind them, the police officers collectively let out a sigh, as Dan wrapped his arms around Phil and pulled him close. Holding him tightly, he whispered, "I will never let you fall. Never, Phil."

 _ **3 hours later…**_

Just as Dan had promised, he brought Phil home after having a quick assessment by a psychiatrist. Phil vowed to attend therapy and in return, was allowed home with Dan that night.  
Dan took his hand and gently led him into their flat. He guided him to his room and picked out his favourite pyjamas, which he had only just folded and put back earlier. They still smelled like fresh linen, and Dan inhaled the sweet scent, cherishing this moment with Phil, knowing he was lucky to have him. Pulling the t-shirt over Phil's head, Dan stroked his hand down the length of Phil's neck, placing a kiss on his lips. "You scared me."  
"I'm sorry," Phil mumbled.  
"Come on…let's get you warmed up." Dan opened Phil's DVD box and took out the Buffy box-set. "Which series?" he asked.  
"Two."  
Reaching for Phil's hand, he pulled him towards the lounge, where he let Phil make himself comfy on the sofa before wrapping the soft blanket around him and sliding the DVD into the player.  
"I'll be one minute…okay, Lion?"  
Phil nodded, and rested his head on the sofa cushions. When Dan returned, he had brought two hot chocolates and a bowl of popcorn. Slipping onto the sofa next to Phil, he pulled him close and kissed his forehead gently. "Phillip Michael Lester…never do that to me ever again. I love you, and I will never let you go."  
"I'm sorry," Phil repeated. "I don't know what I was thinking, but before I had a chance to change my mind, everything was out of control. There were police everywhere. I panicked."  
"Do you want to talk about anything tonight?" Dan asked, running his fingers through Phil's soft fringe.  
"No, but can we sleep here tonight?"  
"Of course. It's okay if you fall asleep during Buffy. I've got the remote here so I can switch it off without even getting up and disturbing you. I'm not going anywhere. Not now, not ever."  
"You're the best thing ever to happen to me, Dan. I wouldn't be here without you."  
"Phil…I wouldn't be half the person I am today without you…and don't you forget it. You mean too much to too many people. You're beautiful and perfect and I can't imagine a world without you."  
Phil nuzzled into Dan's shoulder, his eyes drooping closed. "I promise I'm not going anywhere."

 **Sorry for such a sad story! I hope this portrays not only the obvious, but also the underlying meaning that there is ALWAYS someone out there who couldn't bear to lose you, and what matters is not ending the pain…but working through it to make the happy times worth it. If you have been affected by anything mentioned above…reach out. I promise you it gets better.**


End file.
